love makes seman taste better
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
