i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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