Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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