I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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