Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
