He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
