Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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