i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
