Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm so fucking centered right now
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
