After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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