listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
