I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
