My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
