I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
