I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
