why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize