the day after is always just damage control
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
