At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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