the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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