Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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