Porn is love you can see.
I wish I only lived at night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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