She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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