I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
