hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
