Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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