oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
