I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
