His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
