I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
