just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
