who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
high people should be assigned attendants
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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