I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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