I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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