Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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