I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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