Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
