I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
