Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
