belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
