Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
