Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
