will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
