is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
