I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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