I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
