No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
