Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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