3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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