remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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