And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
