john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
FUCK WHALES
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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