If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
