can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize