i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
