Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
