I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
