Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
