Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
