Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
