I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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