I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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