lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
