I look better un-naked...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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