I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
