Please, let me fuck your mom
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
