but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
