Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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