So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
