Reggie can tackle my bush.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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