shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
