Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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