capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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