Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
