you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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