that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
