I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
