Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
