Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize