I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
